Friggin’ bears

Yah, so I have bear troubles.

Over the last 6 years I’ve kept my garbage out of the reach of pesky bruins but last week one of them knocked the trash over and dragged the one bag down into the Slightly Unenchanted Forest and ravaged it.

Two days ago I went out to start my car at 5:30 a.m. and Mr. Tuesday Bear was skulking around my back bumper. At 5:30 a.m. I’m not totally awake and he startled then pissed me off. I yelled at him and threw rocks at him. I’m sure the neighbors paused mid-sip of their coffee and said, “What the fuck?”

The bear ambled down towards Mr. Engineer’s house, pausing only once to look back at me, his eyes shining in the floodlights.

Now it’s a battle of will, he wants the trash, I don’t want him to have the trash.

I moved the trash cans to the spot right under my bedroom window and I’m tempted to festoon the cans with bells on it. The top is strapped down with three bungee cords but I’m not sure they really work – Mr. Tuesday Bear managed to knock over the can, remove, not bite through the bungee cord and drag his prize away.

Perhaps I could rig a hook in front of my window and thread a line connected on one end to the can and the other to some wind chimes. Bear disturbs can, chimes tinkle, I wake up and chase the bastard out into the night.

I can’t wait for snow. Damn bear needs a nap.