Wallpaper madness

I’ve never seen wallpaper that looks good.

Particularly the wallpaper in my bathroom. It’s horrid, and as an added bonus, they papered the ceiling as well. There could be anything under there; a treasure map, the secrets of the universe, Jimmy Hoffa. My best guess is what’s under the paper will require a lot of work to get to.

It’s obvious the previous owners thought the first wallpaper was ugly; they put another layer over it!

My opinion is … step away from the wallpaper displays at Home Depot or any other big box store that sells decorating-in-a-box concepts that make us all look like we live in Highlands Ranch. Step away, I tell you, step away.

The thing about wallpaper is it’s a bad, somewhat permanent decision. Don’t think so? Ask my daughter-in-law who spent three days trying to remove the duck wallpaper from the small bedroom. It’s still there and the neat rows of green, purple and brown mallards turn up their pointy beaks in my direction, daring me to finish the job.

Even now, I hear a mocking quack coming from the other room. Little feathered bastards.

I’ve decided that wallpaper makes a statement. It means you’re nuts. Paint is clean, straightforward and can be changed without tears, bloody fingernails or a headache from the chemicals needed to loosen the paper’s steely-grip from the wall.

Step away from the wallpaper display. Paint, go with paint. Paint is a temporary statement of your frame of mind, wallpaper screams that your insanity is permanent, placed there with glue for all to see.