If there was a contest for the ugliest floors, I’d win it, hands, or feet down.

Today, I finally headed over to Professional Flooring in east Denver for choose engineered flooring for my house. I wanted engineered, pre-finished flooring rather than go through the gauntlet of buying Red Oak #2 and having to leave my house for two days while the floors are stained. No, thanks. Been there, done that.

I WAS worried about feeling overwhelmed with so many choices. They made it easy; there were only two choices: Cabin-quality, wide-plank flooring in either “golden” or “auburn” stain.

Well, that was easy.

Golden is the only way to go. It’s brighter for those months between November and the beginning of March when very little sun hits the house and light-colored to help hide the cat hair that floats around.

Since it’s a close-out product, it’ll be about $2,700 for 1,200 square feet. Not bad.

Right now the floors at the Bar B are painted plywood, painted white in some pathetic attempt to redeem the dirt that has made the Bar B home. Before paint, the floors emitted a foul-canine odor but Kil-Z got rid of the smell with just one coat. Two-plus years later a sad covering of the white paint remains but wall paint isn’t meant to be walked on. It’s time to redeem this flooring sin.

I realize part of my desire to finish the house is the thought that buzzes around my head like a fly in summer, the idea of selling the Bar B and moving back to Denver. I’ve glanced at www.recolorado.com to see what my options are and though I may not have too much trouble selling the Bar B, buying a property looks like a pretty competitive race between buyers. Houses list on Monday, sold on Tuesday.

When I bought my beautiful house in Highlands Ranch, I had to pull out the stops since two other buyers had expressed interest on the same day and we offered the owners $3,000 more than their asking price. Now, over the course of a 30-year loan, $3,000 doesn’t add up to much, so why not? The offer raised their suspicions and they refused, saying single women don’t pay cash for houses and don’t live in a neighborhood filled with families, let alone pay more than the asking price. Through my agent I told them I would take their house from them without paying a dime since I was sure to win the sexual discrimination lawsuit I would be filing the next day.

Two things to know about me when dealing with real estate: I play to win and I don’t take shit from anyone.

Floored yet?

I know the cats won’t be happy over the new, rather shiny flooring. I may be adding videos of cats crashing into walls and furniture.

Sounds like cheap entertainment … cats on shiny floors.

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